It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You ruined the universe
Randomize
