Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
