its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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