So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
