How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
