I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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