turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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