the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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