So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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