Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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