My room smells like vodka and shame
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
