1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
