You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
