I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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