shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
