While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
