We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
