god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
