Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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