I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
