Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
