why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
