Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(937): View more from Ohio

I'll bet she douches with gravy.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes

Fav 10 5849 1433
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I have a broken liver

(1-575): View more from New Mexico

I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.

Fav 2 1492 854
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(937): View more from Ohio

Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.

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(310): View more from California

I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.

Fav 3 1004 622
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(281): View more from Texas

I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.

Fav 1 628 369
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(301): View more from Maryland

WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!

(240): View more from Maryland

Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...

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