you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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