Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Im part way to drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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