A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize