A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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