her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
