I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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