we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
