Sry I called you an 8
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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