Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
