Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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