Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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