I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
