it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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