I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There's always time for handjobs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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