I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
