He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
