You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
