hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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