She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
