The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
