apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
