we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
