It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
