I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
