last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
