He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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