U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
