There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
