You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
